I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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