i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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