i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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