I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
