Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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