can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize