Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
