I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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