I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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