How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
