ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
