Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
