watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
