dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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