After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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