we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
