Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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