In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
