I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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