In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
