I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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