so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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