Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize