my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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