Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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