Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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