girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
