I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
