did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
