Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You can't special order awesome
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize