i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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