I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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