Someone shit on the floor
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
