Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
