is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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