I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
