Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
