remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
