Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
