tell your sister to shave her snatch
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize