Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize