I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
