Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
