Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
