Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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