i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
