I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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