Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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