last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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