did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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