Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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