Quick, to the slutcave!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
