i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize