I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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