At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
