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I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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