isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
