Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize