They should really pass out barf bags in church
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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