WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
