Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
this hospital has no fireball
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
