at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
