to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How external is "for external use only"?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
