I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
