everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
