Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
