Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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