You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize