I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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