How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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