Can Purell be used as lube?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize