dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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