Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
