I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Someone signed my nipple.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm really busy with my period
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