Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
