I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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