I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
